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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321983">saudade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kemonomimi/pseuds/fortemps'>fortemps (kemonomimi)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>yekeh kha, warrior of light &amp; darkness and errand boy extraordinaire [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Freeform, Gen, Past Character Death, Plans For The Future, Self-Reflection, Spoilers, The Source (mentioned), no beta we die like men, pre-5.3, the first - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:02:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kemonomimi/pseuds/fortemps</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>an old man takes a walk up a memory mountain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>yekeh kha, warrior of light &amp; darkness and errand boy extraordinaire [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>saudade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precocity/gifts">kiwicchi (Precocity)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i cried while writing this. i hope i can invoke a powerful emotional in you too, my reader.</p><p>saudade: (portuguese) the bittersweet feeling of longing for something or someone that you love which is lost.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is a sharp jab from an even sharper tongue, but it is laced with gentle affection – <i>let the old men rest</i>, Y’shtola teases. The rest of the company continues onward to the rendezvous point, leaving only the Warrior of Light, Urianger, and Thancred himself.</p><p>He is not sure if he appreciates the moment and the time to think as the three of them watch over the gentle rocking of the waves below and the purple petals twirl into the lake itself and gather on the surface. The chattering between the three of them had died down into peaceful silence, but it left his mind open to divulge into the depths of his memories and the emotions he bottled up and tucked away.</p><p>He had been tasked to watch over two women, and only one remained. </p><p>Minfilia Warde: bold and beautiful and brilliant and haunted; he still remembers snippets of their conversation. An eighteenth nameday gift and a letter that started it all. She was indignant at first, insulted that he shared what she told him in confidence with his mentor; he remembers the fire in her eyes and the way it simmered – denial at first, then slow acceptance. He remembers the suffering most of all, in which joy was sprinkled. She thought herself inadequate, but the then-bard had kept the observation to himself. <i>She'll grow into the role. Archon Louisioux chose her for a reason.</i></p><p>She was not given much time to collect herself when she became the Antecedent. It was not outwardly obvious at the time; she tried to put on the cloak of her new position and bear it with ease, but it was heavy. She had big shoes to fill.</p><p>Finally, something changed; an adventurer unlike any other approached with the Gift and greeted her for the first time, escorted by Yda – or Lysse, wearing the mask of her sister – and Papalymo, into the Waking Sands. For a moment grief seizes his heart just thinking about their comrades, the dwindling numbers. How many more must be sacrificed to their cause? They all have danced with death; how long before the music stops? He is starting to think like Alphinaud, he acknowledges with a soft smile. Sentimentality comes with old age, does it not?</p><p>His heart knew Minfilia was gone when she offered her body as a vessel to the weakened Hydaelyn. <i>Word of the Mother</i>, was her name from then onward. He saw loss in the eyes of the Warrior upon his return from the Antitower. Thancred left the party there to grieve on his own. </p><p>He never could protect her when she needed him most.</p><p>But then there was hope on this blasted star to which they were wrongly summoned. She was a frail girl with absent, dewy eyes and flaxen hair, echoing the features of the beloved Antecedent, tucked away from the world and ignorant of the struggles that surrounded her. But he bought her freedom with a clash of swords. Minfilia of the First: even her <i>name</i> was a gift. Surely there existed a way to bring her back. His Minfilia could return and take the husk of the girl for herself.</p><p>Thancred <i>tried</i> keeping his distance, but it did not work. She was both similar to Minfilia and different simultaneously, a strange juxtaposition at times. Beneath her blank stare was a child growing, learning through her experiences alongside the Scions. No longer could he view her then as a husk. She was developing into someone new.</p><p>Meeting Minfilia again – what remained of her despite her second sacrifice – he realized he still had fragile, uncertain, and complex hope in his heart. The First’s Minfilia could choose to shirk her burdens and expectations and give herself to Minfilia. When he first freed her from Eulmore, she would have said yes. But now she was bold and brilliant. She was not Minfilia. She was not meant to be. Even though he told himself he wished for the Antecedent’s return, for a chance at redemption for failing her, Thancred knew what path the young girl would choose. She is kind and caring. That was part of the resolve of his Minfilia, and now it echoes in her.</p><p>Ryne: a new name for a new girl. <i>Blessing</i> in the tongue of the fae, because she is a gift to the Scions. Ryne is their own little ward with hair of fire and eyes of ocean – a stalwart companion to them all, especially their burdened Warrior. Thancred honors Minfilia’s last request; he will be Ryne's protector now earnestly and not hide between strict, punishing silence. The mantle has shifted.</p><p>But looming before him is an uncertain future. As the Crystal Exarch works himself to exhaustion to find a way to send the Scions of the Seventh Dawn back to their original bodies, Thancred knows what lies ahead. Surely Ryne will not return with them – it is not her home. She will be a beacon of hope on the First, like Minfilia was on the Source. That is the future of which he is coming to terms. To hope for more will only lead to a shattered heart, and he is not certain he can glue the pieces back together a second time.</p><p>He wonders if the Warrior of Light and Urianger have come to the same conclusion. They are both hard to read sometimes, despite how close their group has become. Y’shtola must have reached that conclusion, though. She is a succinct, unstoppable force. Her days with Master Matoya, whose befitting name she borrows, are shining through like sun beams behind darkened clouds. Focus, push forward, and keep her emotions hidden behind strict optimism layered with cautious logic. The Miqo’te is softer around the edges than she used to be, though. Everyone is changed because of their time on the First. Urianger’s silent grief has faded, and the Elezen twins have developed their own personal resolve, though the underlying principle is the same: <i>save those who can be saved.</i></p><p>His eyes drift to the broad sword that sits propped against the table, and Thancred realizes it is one of the scarce times he has seen it not holstered on the Xaela's back. There is an untold story tempered into the steel, something dark and wild, like a coeurl on the prowl. But yet, his friend no longer shuffles beneath its weight. Even he has changed. He has embraced his role completely. He is their champion. The Warrior of Light will never forget those who lived, but he will push forward with the smile befitting of a hero.</p><p>The momentary distraction of reflecting on Thancred's companions comes to a close as quickly as it was weaved into his innermost thoughts.</p><p>Would he return to the Source, given the option? Could he? Will he fail once again, and leave his charge behind?</p><p>His stormy thoughts must reflect on his face, no matter how schooled he tries to keep it, because the Warrior of Light places a heavy hand on his shoulder and offers him a placating, empathetic smile. Urianger shifts to his feet and tucks his chair against the table accompanied by the scratch of wood upon wood.</p><p>“We must depart from our moment of respite, shalt we hinder the progress of thine awaiting venture.” </p><p>Thancred nods his agreement, and watches as the Warrior of Light hefts his greatsword back to its proper place in its holster. Yes, it is time to move forward and face the future. It is time to reclaim the First and free its people and leave behind absolute assurance. They must tie up loose ends and fill the void of the Empty with life. They must supervise as Ryne continue to blossom into her own, independent woman. She has to fill the void they may leave behind. She will not be alone, but those closest to her will be gone, ghosts vanished.</p><p>Whatever the future may hold, this time Thancred will take it in stride.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>love you cami. thank you for helping me out in my time of need. this has been long overdue.</p><p>a commissioned piece. check my twitter for information, if you'd like! or maybe you'd like to join <a href="https://discord.gg/VE8Jvhj">the book club;</a> they're a friendly bunch, i promise. they'll give you a lot of feedback and inspiration for your own written work, and you can @ me there if you'd like to have a chat, too.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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